TORN INNARDS

THE FIRST TIME I MET MAGNUM PI, I WAS IN HAWAII FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WAS DRUNK A LOT BACK THEN AND NOT PARTICULARLY PICKY ABOUT ITEMS. ANYWAY, I WAS AT SOME BAR DRINKING SOME TROPICAL LIQUID AND I SEE THIS DUDE. LIKE I DONT NORMALLY LIKE GUYS OR ANYTHING AND AM HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A DOG AND A PRIUS BUT THIS GUY WAS THE PERFECT MAN. HE HAD A MUSTACHE. HE CAME UP TO ME AND WINKED AND SLID A CARD UNDER MY DRINK. I LOOKED AT IT AND IT SAID MAGNUM PI, SEX MACHINE AND PRIVATE DICK. HE THEN SAID EITHER THEY DONT CALL ME MAGNUM FOR NOTHING OR SOMETHING ABOUT SEEING HIS DICK IN PRIVATE. EITHER WAY I WAS SMITTEN. HE WAS GONE IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND ALL THAT REMAINED WAS CACKLING LAUGHTER AND I REALIZED I WAS NOT IN A BAR AFTER ALL BUT SOME KIND OF TORTURE DUNGEON. mAGNUM WAS THERE AND HE LAUGHED AT ME WHILE STROKING HIS MUSTACHES. I WAS SCARED. BUT ALSO INTRIGUED. THEN HE GRABBED A WHIP. AND WITH THIS WHIP HE WHIPPED ME. I SCREAMED. HE MADE SOME WITTY ONE LINER THAT I FORGOT BECAUSE IT HURT SO MUCH BUT I THINK IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH ME BEING MUSTACHE WHIPPED AS OPPOSED TO SOMEOTHER ALTERNATIVE. THE TV WAS SHOWING HANNAH MONTANA. THEN I WOKE UP AND FOUND I WAS BACK AT THE BAR. MAGNUM WAS NOT THERE. THE CARD WAS NOT THERE. I WONDERED IF IT HAD ALL BEEN A DREAM. I ORDERED ANOTHER DAIQUIRI AND WOUND UP COVERED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOOD AT SOME INDETERMINATE POINT IN THE NEAR fUTURE.

BEGINNINGS

ONLY STORIES PERTAINING TO TOM SELLECK AS MAGNUM PI OR QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER ACCEPTED.



MAYBE AS MR. BASEBALL IF NAUGHTY ENOUGH.

THANK YOU.